Does Korea Make White Women Racist?

[supersoulfly]

"Why do you date Korean girls?"

I've heard this question many times, specifically from white women. The basic answer is that I'm attracted to some of them and I enjoy their company. Perhaps these women view me as a racist and that I'm discriminating against white girls in my love life. The truth is I've dated about as many white girls as Korean girls while I have lived here. I find this question rather insulting and racist though. I hear a laundry list of what is wrong with Korean girls. They are superficial, shy, manipulative, etc. Yes, I admit, I have experienced these traits with some Korean girls. The problem is I've experienced these traits with white girls also. Yet I've never heard a Korean girl ask me, "Why do you date white girls?"

[Amiayra]

It is likely because there are so many instances where a guy from a "western" country comes over here specifically to hook up with Korean women. Yeah, whatever floats your boat. But, I think other women get catty when they see a guy dating a girl who can hardly speak English.
I don't see that around as much as I did when I first got here three years ago. Actually, one of my first weekends here I was sitting near a group of western guys scoping out the Korean girls in the bar to figure out who was "drunk enough" to take home. That was disturbing. Around the same time I saw a fair amount of guys dating Korean women and when nearby and hearing the conversation? It was like teaching two months into a zero beginner class.

Anyway, I think those extreme situations are the reasons for such negative reactions. But at the same time, who cares? As long as it is consensual people should do what they want. Just don't bother making friends with those catty girls =)

[Helen]

Some of the white people (men and women) who come to Korea are already racist. They came from all-white neighborhoods, don't know much about their own countries, and very little about any others.

It is a lot harder getting away from these people in Korea than it is back in the States, but I would encourage you to try. There are a lot of expats who are not racist as well.

And date who you want as long as you treat your partners with respect.

[Box_of_Rain]

It's not racism....a lot of it is JEALOUSY

I admit I went through it when here in '05, when I was single and also was having a tough time in Korea.

Pretty women everywhere, dressed to the nines (at this time no woman in my small 'gu outside of Incheon wore pants or flats, ever) and lots of them at the bars being so damned different from us Western girls, jumping at the chance to date your average white guy.

Keep in mind that this was before internet shopping was easy, so unless we had the Korean body type most of us were stuck in the clothes we arrived with. We couldn't "upgrade" to keep up with the competition!

It was an emotional challenge. So my girls and I got catty a few times.

Also keep in mind that some of us are grousing about our lack of BOTH boyfriends and the departure of some male friends we make here. Some of you guys go MIA after hooking up with a Korean girl. It seems in Korea, once you are dating there is little room for friends of the Western girl variety

[chasuk]

Do people still date? I'm asking that question without snark. I'm been married for more than half of my life, so I'm out of the exploratory-relationship loop.

These days, people "hook up," as I understand it. Truthfully, even when I was dating, if I switched euphemisms, I was frequently "hooking up."

Where was I? Ah. I was answering the question, "Does Korea Make White Women Racist?"

I vote "no." It might make them painfully aware of their own non-fashion model physiques, and of the sometimes (often?) carnal shallowness of their opposite gender, but it doesn't make them racist.

In the 1980s, I dated Korean women. I fell in love with one of them, hard. She didn't speak much English, but that wasn't important. The chemistry of attraction speaks its own language (this point is addressed specially @Amiayra).

Why do a certain percentage of men find Korean (or Asian) women attractive? I don't know. Some theorize latent pedophilia. I suspect that it's because men are brainwashed by the same market forces that women are -- that petite is better. Of course, most of of us happily have wives/girlfriends who are more similar to Beyonce/J.Lo/Mo'Nique than to emaciated supermodels, so the truth is hard to determine.

[supersoulfly]

@Chasuk - Yes, people still date. Many people just hook up though. Makes it difficult to find something substantial at times.


Appreciate the responses people.

[Tropic of Cancer]

Racism? I don't think that's generally the case. Frustration over men's perceptions--maybe. As far as racism goes, I tend to shoot askance glances at men who say things along the lines of, "Asian women are so good-looking" or some such thing. Albeit, I can't automatically attribute this assessment--half-baked as it is--to exoticization (how foolish and prejudiced must I be to do that?), but, to me, it is a suspect thing to say. It's parallel to saying, "I love black people"--because people of color are all neat monoliths of character, yeah? Anyway, in this is where I see racism: exoticization.

[chasuk]

I don't know that everyone has a sensual aesthetic. I know that I do, but I'm not going to generalize.

For me, once I'm in love with someone, objectivity evaporates. The focus of my love becomes ravishing. I've been married to the same woman for 28 years, and she is as gorgeous now as she was the day I married her.

Still, I'm not immune to the charms of other attractive ladies. Speaking from a purely engineering-mixed-with-carnality-perspective, if women were customizable kits, I'd prefer certain manufacturers to others. I'm going to stay mum on my own preferences, as it really doesn't seem relevant. However, it doesn't seem unreasonable, to me, that some men prefer Asian parts to Nordic ones (as an example), without exoticization necessarily informing that preference.

[supersoulfly]

Originally Posted by Tropic of Cancer

Racism? I don't think that's generally the case. Frustration over men's perceptions--maybe. As far as racism goes, I tend to shoot askance glances at men who say things along the lines of, "Asian women are so good-looking" or some such thing. Albeit, I can't automatically attribute this assessment--half-baked as it is--to exoticization (how foolish and prejudiced must I be to do that?), but, to me, it is a suspect thing to say. It's parallel to saying, "I love black people"--because people of color are all neat monoliths of character, yeah? Anyway, in this is where I see racism: exoticization.

What about this context? Let's say I state "Asian women are so good looking." I'm not making a stand about their superiority to any other race. I'm admiring the qualities that are being presented. This does not mean the phrases "Indian women are so good looking" or "White women are so good looking" are absent from me. Men are visual, and we tend to comment about what is right in front of us. Put most of us in Switzerland and we will be explaining the beauty of the Swiss to you. We do happen to be in Asia, so I expect these comments about Asian women to be common and natural. It's a generalization, but I don't think it's racist.

[Tropic of Cancer]

I tried to imply that context is vital. I wanted it to be clear that I don't think that uttering generalizations like these are prohibitively racist. There are times, though, when I cringe when insipid phrases like those mentioned above are uttered. Most of the time it's because these phrases tend to be devoid of any meaning whatever. Sometimes, however, there's oil dripping from the tongue of the utterer, and it just kind of sounds gross.

I specifically have two fellers in mind. We used to hang out. Whenever these two came together, invariably, at some point in the night, they'd begin expounding on "Asian" this, "Asian" that. This feeling they shared was fed by their chauvinism. I say these moments with them reflected their racism because they talked about how demure these women are, how their pleasure doesn't matter like it does for their Western counterparts. (Baffles me still.) They were discussing, pretty much, how part of the reason of this "greatness" of Asian women is that--apparently to them--there's no qualms had in subjugating them. If it were a cartoon, they'd be predators discussing the meat of a gazelle.

Or I'm sensitive.

So. Regards the original topic, only in instances where such things were said have I noticed hints of racism. Never have come across a gal becoming all-teeth on the subject of Korean women. Closest thing I ever heard relating to that was, "It's not fair; this girl eats doughnuts, like, every day, and she's a toothpick!"--not really close at all.